Sunday, December 28, 2014

Hot Guy MBTI: Cameron Dallas

It's been too long since I've done one of these so here we go. Today I shall be discussing the lovely Cameron Dallas.

Cameron Dallas is in the same posse as Matt Espinosa, along with a bunch of other teens who participated in the Vine-based traveling circus known as MAGCON. While all of the boys have their own fan base, I think it's safe to say Cameron Dallas is the token "hot guy". He's also surprisingly not a douche at all, unlike a couple of his friends... Just kidding. Maybe.



Ni is one of the hardest functions for me to spot in someone, so if I say someone an xNxJ, you know I mean it. ENFJs are hard to summarize, but the best word I can think of is "popular". People just like them. They also have this otherworldly vibe to them which makes them more alluring than your typical ESFJ social networker.


The first word I can think of when describing Cam, after "hot" and "dreamy" and... other inappropriate stuff, is nice. He is genuinely a nice person. Lots of Fi users see Fe as being "fake" but I think it's just an issue of different perspectives. Fe users really do want everyone to get along. They feel very uncomfortable when people don't. Just like Fi users feel uncomfortable when acting against their personal values.

Literally can't rn

Like Matt, Cam is affectionate with his fans. He has a way of making every fan he meets feel like his girlfriend. Cam takes it a step further though and directly messages his Twitter fans on the regular. Now again, it's easy to call this out as being manipulative or self-promoting or what have you. But having followed Cameron on his Vine Vlog diary whatever, along with all the other dudes, I have not seen anything close to a hostile interaction between him and anyone else. He really is a good guy.

Cute, nice, sensitive, young, rich and famous. Should I just DM you my girlfriend application or...?


Like I said, Ni is my sore spot, it being my inferior function. So bear with me here. I know how to spot a Ni user but fuck-all getting me to try to explain it. As many times as I've read about it I still don't understand it and I fully admit that.

Okay. So. Ni. Fuck.

Ni is a rather "hidden" function. I can only give you my impression of it. It makes for a somewhat elusive personality. Like you get the sense that you will never fully understand what's going on upstairs no matter how much the person tells you. Cameron has that sly, reserved ENFJ smile which makes me feel like he is hiding something, versus an ESFJ who can't help but smile with their entire face.

Y u do dis to me

See he's just got that sexy, mysterious vibe to him. That penetrating stare. An ESFJ can try to emulate this but it really just does not translate. It comes off as contrived.

So, feel free to call this loose evidence if you want, but I just don't see ESFJ. And I think going by textbook definitions and not taking a person's countenance into consideration is a really dumb way to go about things. MBTI is about people. It's about reading people, and body language says a hell of a lot more than word language does. But what can you do, the book was written by an Idealist, and Idealists don't exactly have a clear view of reality.

Moving o- oh my...


9w1 2w3 7w6 sx/so
927 - The Peace Seeker. Seeks peace and positive relations and situations. Negativity conflicts with sense of well being so is avoided as much as possible. source

Maybe? I will reiterate, Ni users can be hard to read. Then again, so are type 9s, because they repress their negative emotions. They are about peacemaking. 9w1s hate conflict and hate dealing with it (unlike 9w8s who will). They just want smooth waves and a nice blunt. Kidding...sort of...

I almost typed him a 2 core but I think 2 is more of a supporting role for 9, which is kind of an "invisible" type. Cam seems more like a go-with-the-flow type of guy. I don't see him as being seriously intent on being seen as helpful or dependable. There is some of that in his personality but it's not the driving force. 3 wing because let's face it, you don't maintain 6-pack abs without a little vanity. Plus the whole modeling gig.

Last is 7w6. His 6 and 7 seem balanced, but I'm gonna go with 7 having an edge just cuz Cameron definitely has a quirky side to him. 6 provides more stability and it can also cause some underlying anxiety. He doesn't come across as anxiety-driven, though he does have a protective instinct for sure. 7 is more random and unpredictable.

Oh yeah and sx/so because he would make a sexy SO... and because dat Ni sexual intensity. He communicates with his fans one-on-one which makes me think he really wants to establish a connection with them, but he is also clearly a social guy.

As a parting gift, I will leave you with this lovely Titanic-esque picture of Cam and Matt, my favorite Vine boys.


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

How to Date the Types

My peeps in the typing community might be familiar with this video right hyah:

It's by an ESTP who goes by the name EJ? DJ? I dono. If you haven't seen it already and have been into MBTI for more than a month, I'm surprised you haven't come across it. The comment section of this video doesn't seem too fond of the ESTP bluntness so I'm gonna try to be a little bit nicer while spitting out my own version.

Eh who am I kidding, I don't care about your fuckin' feelings. 

First things first SPs are the Realists, and because of that we are the best "temperament" at reading people in any given situation. Whether you like our assessments of you or not, they are usually on point.

SJ, the Traditionalist
Spring Break is a tradition, right?

ESFJ The socialite. To hook up with this type, all you need to do is be popular and good-looking.

ISFJ The housewife. This type wants someone they can bake cookies for. Act like an adorable lost individual who needs taking care of.

ESTJ The bulldozer. ESTJs want to conquer. Be a challenge but don't play hard to get. Once you've caught their attention, let them have their way. Yeah bby.

ISTJ The teacher's pet. Show them how much respect you have for authoritah. Ask them to join your study group. Just don't be too exciting is all.

NF, the Idealist

ENFP The ditz. Go along with all their crazy ideas and help them come up with more. Match their enthusiasm. Treat them like they are intelligent even if their ideas don't make any fucking sense.

INFP The lives-in-a-bubble. If you're crushing on an INFP, pretty much just agree with all their implausible ideas for humanity. Make sure to help them feel simultaneously understood and misunderstood.

ENFJ The frenemy. Figure out who they hate and start gossiping. Agree with everything they say and totes sympathize. Fawn over how much better they are than that betch.

INFJ The brooder. If you want an INFJ, talk to them about all your problems and downfalls as a human being. Then let them psychoanalyze you.

NT, the Rationalist
Betcha didn't peg them as thinking types, did you?

ENTP The smartass. Tell them how funny their jokes are. Laugh heartily. Alternately, give them your Rubik's Cube and ask them to solve it.

INTP The Abed. Take interest in every piece of trivia they tell you. Ask them all the questions. Pretend like you follow what they're saying.

ENTJ The dick. I assume you only fell for this dude(tte) because they're hot, in which case, pump up their ego even more and let them control you. And don't expect them to return your texts or anything mushy like that.

INTJ The party ruiner. Sit in the back corner of the class with them. Don't talk to them, except to argue with them. It turns them on.

SP, the Realist
"I wish that I could be like the cool kids..."

ESFP The party starter. Make them the center of attention. Offer them various substances. Encourage them while they're dancing on the table. Most importantly, be hot.

ISFP The stoner hipster. Pass them the spliff. Talk about how "over it" you are. Let them catch you reading Nylon.

ESTP The shameless. Let them dominate you - in conversation, in games, in bed. How do you get them in bed? Be hot and let them see you. Emphasis on the latter.

ISTP The slacker. Laugh with them when they make fun of everybody. Laugh at yourself when they make fun of you. Take delight in their being an asshole and don't have any strong opinions other than "people suck".

Disclaimer: if these don't work, you're doing it wrong.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Hot Guy MBTI: Matt Espinosa

You may have heard of Matthew Espinosa. More than likely, you have not. Matt is an internet celebrity who got famous on Vine and now lives in a fancy place in LA after dropping out of high school his senior year.

But I don't judge here at "pretty good blog". Matt meets the criteria for being on this blog: he is hot. And that's all that matters. Let us commence the typing.

Yes, he looks like Justin Bieber. I have a type. Back off.


ENFP, also known as "The Inspirer". Check out his twitter feed and see if you agree:

Pretty inspiring, right? Or at least that's the intention. Notice the outlier here, at the top of the page. That is an example of


Ne is the "weird" function. What it does is connect ideas together very rapidly based on what it perceives in the outside world. So you tend to get these random outbursts that make no sense unless you too are an xNxP. It goes something like this:

Mom bought bagels -> I haven't had bagels in a long time -> I haven't thought about bagels in a long time either -> But why? Bagels are delicious -> Let us discuss -> "Bagels are underrated"*

*this happens to be in Matt's Twitter header

Ne types seem to hold the belief that everyone has this same random, rapid-fire thought process, and fully expect you to understand where they are coming from.

Ne's job is also to perceive what isn't currently there rather than what is (Se). To do this, it relies on Si, which is like a database of previous sensory experiences to compare to. ENxPs have Si as their last function so they don't tend to use it well. How this works in reality, I have no idea. But, combine Ne with


and you get an NF idealist. Fi, the values function, works with Ne to see what isn't there and what ideally could be. Make an extrovert out of these two functions and there you have your classic "Inspirer" personality.

ENFP can be confused with ESFP since both are naturally energetic and enthusiastic types. The difference lies in their thought processes. NPs are long-term thinkers, and SPs are short-term processors. ESFPs use their Fi to derive enjoyment from the world and share it with others. ENFPs uses Fi to make the world a better place overall. Yayyy.


2w3 7w6 9w1 so/sx
279 - The Optimist. Caring, innovative and upbeat. Seeks peaceful, win - win situations, maintains cheerful attitude. sauce

I mostly added this because I wanted to add more pretty photos of Matt since he's so adorbs:

But. I do think he is a type 2w3. Matt is kind to a fault and not only would he not hurt a fly, he'd probably somehow find a way to coax it outside so it wouldn't get killed by someone else. He loves his fans to a fault. I'm also pretty sure about the so/sx part, just because type 2 in general is social, but also because of the relationship he has with his fans. He sees them as a group first (social) and as individuals second (sexual) (no, not sexy sex; one-on-one relationships).

Type 7 is pretty much a standard tritype component in ExxPs. He does seem a little flighty. I wanna say 7w6 because he seems to be pretty loyal to his best buddy Carter Reynolds, going so far as to get in a vicious tweet-fight with Carter's girlfriend after she dumped him. Eh, she was a ho anyway, we all saw it coming. Seriously, she goes by "Kitty". Anyway yeah, 6 often goes on the defense when someone swoops in on their circle. Gangster loyalty and all.

Finally, 9w1, because Matt seems like a pretty laid-back guy but he can be a bit hard on himself (see above link). Dat perfectionistic 1. 9w1 is known as the idealist so I'd say it fits.

Hooray! Another hot guy, typed. One last pic of Matt for the road:

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Hot Guy MBTI: Justin Bieber

Hooray, it's time for the first installment in my Hot Guy MBTI series.

Not gonna lie, I'm a fan of the Biebs. His music is catchy, he's talented, and oh yeah, he's hot. Maybe not as hot as say, circa 2012-2013 Bieber, but I'd still hit it.

Zayum, bae!


So, we can all agree on this, right? I'll go ahead and explain anyway cuz it's fun and I'm nice like that.


What's the most obvious thing about Justin? The sheer amount of energy he has. This guy is constantly on tour. Knock him all you want but he ain't a slacker. And when he's not in concert, he's getting into some kinda trouble. He just doesn't have an "off" switch. Se, as a function, is about experiencing your environment fully with your senses. Se personalities (ESxP) tend to be the most physically energetic. They're usually good at sports,

physically coordinated,

and, uh, a little unpredictable...

Se's raison d'ĂȘtre is living in the moment and manipulating their environment. Immature Se users will be very impulsive and reckless, but it's all in good fun. An unfortunate result of this is that Se's do tend to be pretty polarizing personality-wise.


Ah, Fi. I think of Fi as the pretty function when it's combined with Se. Se is image-oriented, and in conjunction with Fi, it creates a personality that has a very distinct "look" to them. ESFPs will be the ones following the trends and interpreting them to make them their own, versus ISFPs who will create their own trends by taking cues from what's out there already. And since their leading function is Se, they can also get a little wild with the visuals:

ESFPs also tend to be ladies' men. The combo of Se's keen perception skills and awareness of environment, along with auxiliary Fi being able to empathize, make them quite attractive to the females. Of course, being a love-song singer who won the genetic lottery also probably helps.

That's all you get, the first two functions. The most important ones. If I knew JB personally, I could give you more insight to the other ones, but that takes some getting-to-know since we don't use those as much. What say? You want more? Okay, I guess...

Bonus Enneagram:

See here.

There you have it. Justin Bieber, everyone.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Why CelebrityTypes Sucks at Typing: Eminem

You might be familiar with CelebrityTypes. In case you aren't, they are a website whose owners pride themselves on "determining" celebrities' MBTI types and providing no explanation.

What can you do about this? Well, not much, because the admins there seem to get a little butt-hurt when people disagree with them. You can, however, read this post where I correctly type our celebrity victim, after which you will wonder why the hell you ever took that site seriously in the first place. And yes, of course this is fucking important. Lying on the internet is a crime.

Update 1/29/15: They changed it! Finally! And they didn't get my fucking last initial right in the hat tip. Whatever... This is an awesome post so it's staying.

Eminem: ISTP

CelebrityTypes lists Eminem as an ISFP. Now let me copy-paste you a little description of ISFP, and you tell me if this rings a bell:

[ISFPs] are gentle, modest and reserved persons. They cope well with everyday life and like their privacy. With their quiet, optimistic nature, they are also good, sought-after listeners and other people feel well in their company. All in all, this type is the most likeable and friendliest of all personality types. Tolerance and [their] regard for others distinguish their personality. They are very caring, generous and always willing to help. They are open to and interested in everything that is new or unknown to them. However, if their inner value system or their sense of justice is hurt, Sensitive Doers can suddenly and surprisingly become forceful and assertive. source


"Gentle, modest, and reserved." Too easy, but fuck it:

Two to the one, from the one, to the three/I like good pussy and I like good trees/Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe/And I get more ass than a toilet seat

My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips/And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss/And that's the message that we deliver to little kids/And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Alright, let's give CT the benefit of the doubt and pretend Eminem is a little "special" in terms of expressing his values. ISFP's first function is Fi, which is, in a nutshell, one's personal belief system unencumbered by what society prefers. A.k.a., values. Now kids, what value can we name that is a recurrent them in Eminem's songs? Anger? Satire? Wordplay? No, see these are not values. One is an emotion (note: (F)eeling != emotions; everyone has emotions), and the other two are just ways to write a song. Or something. I don't know, whatever you classify them as though, they aren't values. Compare his lyrics to The Colbert Show. How did I link these two together? Aside from the satire, Stephen Colbert also happens to be an ENTP. ISTP and ENTP share two functions in common, the important one being Ti. Ti is deductive. Its purpose is to pull things apart logically and get to their core essence. It often manifests itself as satire or making fun of things. What does Eminem do in his songs? He makes fun of the music industry ("Shake That"), himself ("The Real Slim Shady"), society ("Role Model")... you get the picture. Now maybe you could argue that he values making fun of stuff. I'd say that's a bit of a stretch, and if we accept that argument, we have to reconsider every ENTP comedian's type. And there are many of them.

Going back to the quote: They cope well with everyday life and like their privacy. With their quiet, optimistic nature, they are also good, sought-after listeners and other people feel well in their company. All in all, this type is the most likeable and friendliest of all personality types. Tolerance and [their] regard for others... Let me stop you right there. I will reiterate, this is allegedly a description of Eminem. The rapper. The one who has a history of poor coping skills, who expresses anger (either actively or passively through sarcasm) in most of his songs, who picks fights with people for fun. Now I know people can be paradoxical, but... um, I'm just trying to picture how on earth an ISFP could take on this form. Granted, Eminem has been through some shit, but being in touch with your feelings does not make you a Feeler. As far as I can tell, that is the only argument CT has for Eminem being an ISFP, since the only fucking reasoning they provide is two quotes from him talking about his feelings.

So. Now that we have not-ISFP out of the way, I will tell you why he is ISTP.

Let's start with another description:

ISTPs have a compelling drive to understand the way things work. They're good at logical analysis, and like to use it on practical concerns. They typically have strong powers of reasoning, although they're not interested in theories or concepts unless they can see a practical application. They like to take things apart and see the way they work. source

Now, take this description, memorize it, and go here. Lazy? Fine, here are the things you need to know. Yes, more quotes:

Anderson Cooper asks [Eminem] to explain what he means by ‘bending the words’, to which Eminem responds:
“Just the enunciation of it. People say that the word orange doesn’t rhyme with anything and that kind of pisses me of because I can think of a lot of things that rhyme with orange.”
Anderson Cooper continues, what rhymes with orange?
Eminem responds:
“If you’re taking the word at face value, and you say orange. Nothing is going to rhyme with it exactly. If you enunciate it and make it more than one syllable, you can say like: I put my orange-forange-storinge-in storage-in a pourage.”
Eminem continues:
“You just have to figure out the science to breaking down words.”
Eminem says that he thinks about word rhymes throughout the day and drives himself insane with it.
Anderson Cooper mentions and that he heard that Eminem used to read the dictionary. Eminem says he did for a very particular reason:
“I just felt like I wanted to be able to have these words at my disposal in my vocabulary at all times whenever I need to pull them out. Somewhere they’ll be stored like locked away.
He then pulls out a box where he stores scraps of paper with words and phrases he’s written.”
Now, I'm not gonna go into another function description here because you can look that shit up yourself, but basically this is Ti at work. Breaking things down to their bare essentials and forming logical conclusions from there, then applying those conclusions broadly using whichever perceiving function you have. In this case, for Eminem, it is Se (extraverted Sensing), so he is focused on how the words sound rather than what they mean. See: the part about the orange. And see that part about him driving himself insane with it all day? That is because Ti is his dominant function. As in, his first function, the one he filters all of the world through and uses all of the time, always, forever.


[ISTPs] do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to "do their own thing". [...] ISTPs are loyal to their causes and beliefs, and are firm believers that people should be treated with equity and fairness. Although they do not respect the rules of the "System", they follow their own rules and guidelines for behavior faithfully. They will not take part in something which violates their personal laws.

The combo of Ti and Se makes for a particularly rebellious personality. Ti, as I've said, forms its own logical conclusions, and Se, while commonly described as taking in things literally through your senses, is also about power over your environment. Being able to manipulate it. So, compared to the ISFP description, do you think this might be a little bit closer to all that is Eminem? Yes. The answer is yes. Say it with me: I-S-T-P. Also notice the part about loyalty to causes and beliefs. I said above that Fi = a belief system. Ti, in a way, is also a belief system. However, it is a logic-based belief system. See this is where MBTI gets tricky, because once you break down the definitions of functions far enough, they seem to disintegrate into each other. Ti and Fi are both internal judging functions. The difference is, Fi makes judgment calls based on their ideals. Ti makes them based on whichever path gets them from A to B without taking any logical detours.

An ISTP who is over-stressed may exhibit rash emotional outbursts of anger, or on the other extreme may be overwhelmed by emotions and feelings which they feel compelled to share with people (often inappropriately). An ISTP who is down on themself will foray into the world of value judgments - a place which is not natural for the ISTP - and judge themself by their inability to perform some task. They will then approach the task in a grim emotional state, expecting the worst.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! This is the work of inferior Fe, or extroverted Feeling. Do I even need to elaborate on this part? No? Alright. So, now that we have established Eminem is an ISTP, let's get on with a bunch of random fucking quotes like they do at CelebrityTypes and call it a day:

"Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends."
"A lot of truth is said in jest."
"Say there's a white kid who [...] is pretty much having everything handed to him on a platter - for him to pick up a rap tape is incredible to me, because what that's saying is that he's living a fantasy life of rebellion."
"To the people I forgot, you weren't on my mind for some reason and you probably don't deserve any thanks anyway."
"I do say things that I think will shock people. But I don't do things to shock people. [...] I don't know how long I'm going to be on this planet. So while I'm here, I might as well make the most of it."
"If there's not drama and negativity in my life, all my songs will be really wack and boring or something."
"I don't think I've ever read poetry, ever. I'm not really book-smart."
"A lot of my rhymes are just to get chuckles out of people. Anybody with half a brain is going to be able to tell when I'm joking and when I'm serious."
"There was certainly, like, a rebellious, like, youthful rage in me."
"Being a student of hip-hop in general, you take technical aspects from places. You may take a rhyme pattern or flow from Big Daddy Kane or Kool G Rap." source